If you think dating websites and social media apps are destroying relationships today, you would have steered clear of cars in the 1900s (pun intended). Cars didn’t just speed up a historical shift from teenage codependence to independence, they fed the growth of an entire sub-culture.
Think about it: Buses began to drive students further from their homes. One-room schoolhouses eventually gave way to large buildings (schools) filled with unsettled crowds of adolescents and their hormones.* According to historians and spiritual leaders, this is pretty much what started the moral decay of young men and women of teen age years and what eventually led to, or influenced in some way, the sexual revolution of the 1960's in the USA. Things have come a long way since then. They are way worse. There is a new line being crossed When talking with a younger couple, not yet married, it does not take long to get a sense of whether or not they have passed the line. (I know, some of you are thinking, Did he just go there?) Here is a brief excerpt from the teaching series we are currently covering with the young men and women from our church (Marriage: The Myth & The Meaning). Additional resources will be available later this year, with Gods help. 1. Because your friends are getting married
If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you? This is an absurd, rhetorical question, of course! The point is, you must live the life God gave you and not copy what someone else is doing. Just because it is time for your friend to get married doesn’t mean it’s time for you to get married. Plus, you may be seeing just the exterior of someone’s love life. Deep down, they may be entering marriage foolishly; don’t be envious. If anything, pray for any/all of your friends who seem to be rushing into marriage, without counting the cost. Not a few have entered marriage because it’s the popular thing to do. Seeing everyone’s proposals and engagements on your social media feed doesn’t help the matter. All my friends are getting married, why should I be left behind? Peer pressure is so great at certain times in life that it can dull or blind your focus; some even become delinquent or irresponsible in certain areas of life such as school, work, ministry or family life. Far too many have impulsively run off to get married on a dare, or because others were doing it. Hasty decisions can generate a life-time of bitter experiences. Marriage should not be entered into carelessly! How can a single man or woman overcome this pressure? a. By seeking to please God. Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. (1 Thessalonians 4:1) Getting married because your friends are getting married might be exciting but it can be short-lived. Before thinking of how your friends will react or seeking to fit in, be concerned with what God thinks. Is it His will? Are your motives pure? In all we do, especially marriage, we should seek to please God. b. By growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen. (2 Peter 3:18) With God, there is always more. More to learn, to discover, to embrace. Make spiritual maturity a priority, while you are single (and after too, of course). This will be a blessing for you and your future spouse. c. By walking/associating with wise people. “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” (Proverbs 13:20) If your ‘friends’ are causing you to awaken love at a time when love should not be awakened, stop hanging out with them. We know that whoever we associate with we tend to become like and if we’re associating with people who are Christ-like, we’ll become wise. We know that wisdom tends to rub off so why not walk or associate with those who are wise, meaning Biblically wise. The only other choice is to suffer harm from being the companion of fools (or those who don’t have the Spirit of God). What does a loving husband look like? Someone who provides financially for his wife and family, cuts the grass regularly, maintains the house, plans good vacations and saves up for the future? It's a rhetorical question, really.
These are all good things but certainly not sufficient. Let's take a look at the greatest example of a loving 'husband.' Ephesians 5:28 - Husband, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it. Husbands - That's the WHO. If you're a husband, reflect on what follows (see below). If you are a wife, send this to your husband or read it together =) Love your wives - That's the WHAT. There's nothing more important as a husband. You may think you know how to love your wife but it's an area in which you should always be growing. As Christ loved - That's the HOW. God has not left it up to us to know how to love our wife. He left us an example. There's no need for confusion, reinvention or worry. Christ paved the way! Gave Himself - That's the MEASURE. There is no greater love. He gave His life for us! Jesus showed us what courageous love looks like. He loved his bride, the Church, and give Himself for her. We, husbands, must do the same. Here are some of the disciplines and attitudes a husband must embrace to reflect the courageous love of Christ. 1. Do the will of God In Hebrews 10:9 we read of Jesus, Here I am, I have come to do your will. Jesus did the will of God. Whose will are you doing? Think about it. Every day, we have the choice of following our way or the Master's way. Psalm 40:8 it says, I delight to do Your will, O my God, and Your law is within my heart. Part of doing the will of God is storing up the Word of God! The two are inseparable. If I am not delighting in doing the will of God, it's most likely because I'm not delighting in reading the Word of God.
2. Take time to be alone with God Taking time to be alone from your wife or family, just for the sake of it, or to escape responsibilities, is absolutely selfish. But taking time to be alone with God is refreshing, empowering, and beneficial to you, your wife and your family. If you want to lead and love with courage, meet with God. Luke 5:16 - Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. If Jesus withdrew often to be alone with God, I need to as well!
3. Point your wife to God In Jesus' prayer, in John chapter 17, we read in verse six: I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. Want to be a courageous husband? Lead your wife to God. You can't reveal God to her, only the Holy Spirit can do that, but you can guide her, equip her, and encourage her. In verse 8 of the same chapter, we read, For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them.
4. Pray for her Verse nine in John 17 says, I pray for them. Jesus prayed for his disciples. And Scriptures says He is at the right hand of the Father and he is still praying (see Rom.8:34). He prays for you and I! What an honor and blessing. As a husband, I can lead with courageous love by praying for my wife.
5. Protect her John 17:11,12 - Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name, the name you gave me, so that they may be one as we are one. While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by that name you gave me. Husband, how can you protect your wife?
These are just a few ways I can lead and love my wife with courage, by following the example of Christ. These principles are great for a new husband nervous about his new role or for the men that want to be a husband someday. But they are also a timeless reminder for all the married men. And to all of you, I say... Keep the fire burning, Danny Sex is holy (set apart for a specific purpose). In marriage, it is a beautiful gift, and we honor God, the Giver, when we accept the gift with joy and enthusiasm. A husband and wife honors Him when they cultivate physical, spiritual and emotional intimacy.
We miss His heart when we think, believe, and/or make statements such as: He gave us marriage just to make us holy, Sex is strictly for having children, Spiritual intimacy is what matters, and the like. To be clear, marriage is not all about having sex. And the couple, or spouse, who clings to this expectation will be quickly disappointed. But sex needs to be a part of your marriage (God says so) and it needs to be understood if it is to be enjoyed. Sex doesn’t create intimacy, it is a result of intimacy. You can’t fix a frail marriage by having more sex. Intimacy is created and maintained mainly by your emotional and spiritual connection. This includes but is certainly not limited to: the way you speak to one another, how often you speak and how deep the discussions are, how you look at each other, how you spend time together, the things you share or don't share with one another (fears, dreams, pain, frustrations, unforgiveness, etc.), the spiritual disciplines that you practice together (prayer, fasting, worship, Bible reading, serving, etc.), and so on. There are many things that can hinder this connection, some of which arise from the normal day-to-day activities and stresses of life such as work or family responsibilities, sickness, or physical exhaustion. Don't be quickly discouraged or scared when you see that you have not been sexually active for a while. At the same time, don't neglect it! That can and will create other problems down the road. Other factors to this emotional & spiritual intimacy may include impure thoughts or behaviors from one or both partners (pornography, fantasies, personal struggles), problems from the past that have never been addressed and resolved, or external factors such as issues at work, conflict with relatives, tragic or unforeseen experiences, or spiritual laziness/neglect. Young married couples especially need to understand that a healthy sexual relationship has little to do with frequency. At the beginning of our marriage, that was my mindset - it's all about frequency. Frequency is important, but it is not the primary gage for the emotional health of your relationship. To give a negative example, consider the wife who agrees to having sex whenever her husband wishes, but she is never fully engaged. She does it just to get it over with. That does no good. The husband, in this case, should be sensitive to this, refrain from being led by his physical desires, and begin to focus his attention on cultivating emotional intimacy. Sex has much more to do with intimacy than frequency. Here are some questions and areas to consider:
Husbands and wives, want to be pleasing to God? Cultivate emotional and spiritual intimacy first and it will allow you to cultivate and experience physical intimacy. Keep the fire burning, Danny ------- Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Cor.7:1-5) Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. (Prov.5:15-19) Here is a link to a short video Daniela and I shared on Instagram, especially for young couples who are not yet married. When is it appropriate to say the 'L' word? Here are two Biblical tips...
Video: When to say 'I love you' { Adapted from A Leaders Heart Devotional, J.Maxwell } Through the vow of the Nazirite (see Numbers 6), God provided a way for both men and women to specially consecrate themselves to the Lord for a special time and purpose. Leaders such as Samson made this vow, committing to abstain from wine and strong drink, to leave their hair uncut, and to avoid contact with corpses. They gave up certain rights or options in order to live at a higher standard.
They did so not to stand in judgment of others, but to discipline themselves against the temptations of the day. How can today's (young) men and women apply the principle behind the Nazarite vow? Have you ever thought about what the 10 Commandments might look like when applied to marriage? Think no more...
I'm putting together a study on marriage for young adults (more to follow) and came across this table in one of the resources I found. It's very practical. (Redesign coming soon =) If you find it to be helpful, share it! We asked the infamous question singles around the world have been asking for ages...How do I know if he/she is the one? (i.e. the person I should marry).
We got some good answers from our friends! Take a look at our IG post for details... FINDING THE ONE A Godly marriage doesn't just happen. It needs to be intentional and both the husband and wife need to be committed to growing together. Use this simple tool as a way to identify the root of some of the 'problems' you are currently experiencing or the ones that seem to appear in cycles.
Take the Tension Test. Do it for the good of your marriage! Hollywood has got to go.
The Word of God contains examples of life's greatest love stories, faith, forgiveness and hope. We can't run to secular sources to teach us how to live a sanctified life. We'll never discover the riches of His Word and the powerful guidance it provides if we don't search it out! From stories of disobedience, sin, quarrels, to repentance and restoration, the Bible is a light for our path. Whether you've been married 30 years and think you have it together or you're getting ready to say 'I do', come to the altar of marriage with us. It's the place where we make the decision to seek His ways for all our days - for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health... In this series, we’ll be uncovering the examples of (at least) 10 marriages in the Bible. We'll observe lessons of love and commitment that stand the test of time. Join us and learn what you can do to keep God at the center of your marriage...and to keep the fire burning! So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. - Genesis 1:27-28 |
ABOUTShort, Biblical lessons and free resources on all things love & marriage. A pocket-guide for married couples and for single adults who want Gods best for their life. ARCHIVES
June 2024
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